Twilight Saga

So I have to admit it: I am a Fan of Stephenie Meyer's writing. Fan with a capital F. I didn't really get hooked at the beginning of the craze; I was a bit ambivalent of the whole overdone vampire story. And being in France, I don't really enjoy watching dubbed movies. But I finally broke down in the spring and found the movie on a Chinese you tube. And that was the beginning.

I loved the movie, not to mention the beautiful actors and actresses and convincing romance. But then, a few months ago, I decided to search for the books online. And I found a very illegal website, which has since been taken down, with the full books online. I cleverly copied and pasted into a word document as I read, and finished the series in about a week. Since then, I have read through the books at least three times each. And I had them shipped to me from the States, so that now I'm not in front of my screen like a total nerd 24/7.

Which brings me to this interesting experience: am I living vicariously through fiction? What is it about this story line that captivates me? Is it the simple desire to be loved like Edward and Bella, is it the discovery of the unknown, the knowledge that there is a struggle between good and evil?

I can't place my finger on it, and it frustrates me. Of course I can relate to the thrill of discovering a new love, but also something about knowing the limits to one's capacity. Like Edward's conflict with their relationship. But then again, perhaps this is adding a fear that shouldn't shroud my perception of a perfect match. And Lord knows, it's not the best thing to moralize giving up your life only to find that life is better as an immortal, that you have gifts that specifically belong to you and that aren't really enough in real life. It's the idea that life could be better only without humanity.

And yet I can think of contradicting arguments already: the humanity displayed in choosing to abstain from killing humans, the capacity to love and receive love, the desire to give of oneself for the betterment of family and humanity.

But regardless of the 'morality' of this love story I still must know: why the heck am I addicted to these books? It reminds me of when I would daydream of meeting Gwen Stefani or Billy Corgan. I sometimes wonder what it would be like to be friends with Kristen Stewart or Rob Pattinson. I'm sure we would be kindred spirits. But how can I even say that? It's not like I'm a teenage girl who would scream and faint at the sight of the actors and actresses. It's just the feeling that perhaps, in another life, I could have been like them...

Regardless, maybe I should try to channel these thoughts. I'm so happy to be who I am, where I am, with the influence I have. And I know there is One who sees me, and I'm his superstar actress that he can't wait to hang out with, the one who's captured his eye and heart. And to say that's pretty darn cool would be an understatement.